So you think your marriage is hard? You’re feeling hopeless? You’re struggling? You don’t feel as loved as you need? You don’t respect him as much he needs?
Well. You’ve got it. Marriage IS hard. It may the the hardest thing you do in this life. In what other relationship, realm or job do you open yourself up so wholly, get hurt, be brave, then try once more over and over and over again? Because you do. You know you made a promise. You know you committed to forever, but right now just seems … so… tough!
Marriage is so hard because it takes two broken people and wraps them all up in each others’ space and business, dreams and toothbrush ing time for heaven’s sake! He’s broken. You certainly are broken. You’re both in need of radical grace, forgiveness and love. But seriously?! If you can’t muster that for him, can you expect him to muster it for you?
Don’t forget the key. The final puzzle piece. Or maybe it’s the first one. God. Without the Lord all wrapped up in yall, all wrapped up in each others’ toothbrushes and dreams, you. Ain’t. Going. Nowhere. As much as you long to be in the business of fixing yourself, fixing him – cuz I know you have ideas of how to fix him up – and making you guys awesome, you are not the Restorer.
When was the last time you resurrected the dead? Or even baked a perfect cupcake? You cannot fix yourselves. But the Lord can. And He’s really, really skilled at it. He wants to restore you both. He wants to heal you from childhood pains, sexual sin, cycles of shame, rhythms of neglecting, wounding words, fearful doubts and distrusting spirits. He wants to make all things new. In your heart. And in YOUR HEARTS.
But, girl, it might get ugly before it gets pretty. You might cry messy tears. Yall might fight some nasty battles. Remember the Enemy you’re fighting is not the man standing infront of you, but the Evil One sneaking about. Remember you and this groom of yours are on the same team. You have children to raise and bless with peace. You have a happy, real, supporting, loving home to foster. You have sushi to eat and beaches to surf. You have guests to hosts and cheesy popcorn to devour while snuggling under blankets. You have decades of pillow talk … and sex. You’ve got weekends away, anniversaries, weddings to attend, graduations to celebrate and dreams to celebrate. You have gardens to grow and children to nourish. But first.
You have this man you live with. Who’s working. Who’s trying. Who’s aware of his flaws and asking for your patience. It’s only getting a bit ugly because there’s a whole heck of pretty coming. You’ve made such progress. Yall have grown. Remember 6 months ago? Two years ago? Imagine how things can be in 2 more months. Go on. Hold your breath for a moment. Savor these sweet growing pains. But exhale. And inhale. And write down all you’re grateful for. Meditate over that. And God’s promises.
Because, Girl, your marriage is tough, but you guys are, too. And it’s so, so worth it.