Going Dark


I’ve had this niggling sense for some time now. Perhaps longer of a time than I’d like to admit. But alas, I think it’s time to go quiet.
Social media is awesome, but all of us know it can be a bit too much, as well. Too much time suck. Too much distraction. Just a bit more than what we need sometimes.
Living away from, you know, everyone I’ve known (except that partner of mine) my whole life, I’ve been eager to be in touch, keen to update folks, anxious to hear from you as well. And that’s really good stuff. it’s always been a part of my DNA to love letter-writing, staying in touch. Since I moved around a bit growing up, there was always a best friend, or a boy, to whom I’d really like to stay in touch. At times we kept it up for years. Some of them I’ve now caught up with on Facebook. And what delights being in touch is.
But I find myself using Facebook, emails, blogging as a distraction, a time-filler. When I’m waiting for a khumbi, at the check-out counter, for people to show up at church, or just to fall asleep, I check emails, and apps, and all things social media. Dang smart phones! Blessings and curses.
There, like all things, is a fine balance to be struck. And strike it I’ll will. Or go dark trying.
Really, mainly, I find that feeling a pressure (self-imposed I think) to write, share photos, have a witty comment, or whatever else I do distracts me from my living. My eyes close to the people around me. My heart lives in the lives of people millions of miles away, instead of the ones I’m blessed to share this day with. (This tears me apart a bit, because your lives are splendid, and I love knowing you and about them.) And it bugs me. It furrows my brow.
I’ve been too busy writing about life instead of living it fully.
Perhaps I’ll take a break. To show myself I can. To re-imagine what I can do with in-between time. Maybe I’ll carry books with me again, or my journal. I could stand to pray in the in-between moments. Or meditate. Or heavens-forbid talk to someone. Maybe I’ll just find myself chuckling as I people watch. Or sitting with my quieting mind. Either way. It’s gotta be better than hunching over this little screen, scratching out stories on the smallest keyboard known to woman.
And if you DO get busy living your lives and forget about me, well hot-diggity. Go live your life. May we meet each other along the way. Outside of our computers, phones, teeny screens, and “profiles”. There’s a world out there. May I, we-if you like-, learn to live in it more fully. Gracefully. Gratefully. Wholly. And with reckless abandon.

*** Because as reckless as I like to be, I also enjoy boundaries. So I’ll try this for a month. Cutting the face booking to 5 minutes a week. Doing the email thang, but just when needed, and Skype. Let’s Skype. Phone calls are fun! Blog no-more for a bit will I. And I probably won’t write about it. Ahh maybe my journal will fill up, where the roses are only for me.***

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Categories: Public Confession, Swaziland Updates | Tags: , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Going Dark

  1. Karin

    Nicole-
    I will reading your thoughts- they bring a much needed insight into my life. Perhaps your new social-media-free journey will bring your readers a chance to hear our own insights, to listen to our own ideas for a little while. “Living the dream” isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be, but I can share your frustration of living between worlds- never fully here or there… Going dark may be a step toward fully allowing the light in that is all around you

  2. Paul

    definitely course and blessing. and just as there is a balance between eating a 24oz steak each day and going vegan, there is a balance between spending hours on social media and going dark. and i do agree that it is easier to go dark and start over in deciding how much social media to use. it might be a good idea to keep the blog going,- or some other communication with your supporters. skype is nice, and we use it, with Ben mostly, it’s often hard to coordinate time,- specially if you are in different time zones.. well,- good luck. and i am pretty confident we will be in touch one way or another.

    • Yah. For me, I need space from things to contemplate their hold on me. “Fasting” from something has always “loosed the chains”. There will still be newsletters. And I could always convince SEAN to blog. šŸ˜‰ haha! Hoping this time helps me strike a better balance.

  3. Paul

    and make that “curse”

  4. Sue

    We will miss your fun stories ,but you do what you need to do ….time is at a premium sometimes !,
    Use it well ….we will be praying everyday for you whether we here or not !!! Take care …….love to you
    Both !! MAA MAA and Paa paa

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