What’s fun about having two blogs is that I’m stark & heroic, clipped & concise on the SwaziBlog. THIS one, however, I get to bare all. Well, let’s be honest, I’m fully clothed, sitting at the kitchen table of my parent’s abode. But you knew what I meant anyways.
So we have less than a month until we fly to Jo-burg. We have less than a week in Ohio. I started writing a list of all the things that I need to get done this week. The family to visit. The friends to spend time with. The belongings to sort, pack, etc. But really, no one but me cares. No one but Sean & I need to know that list. What matters is that we’re trying to soak up every second.
I started yesterday off with some tears. Curled up, on our bed, crying. Relief washed over Sean, knowing my tears had nothing to do with him! But I said good-bye to my sister. She’s hopping off to college, with my parents driving her down. Short there-after, sadness overtook me. I thought of all the ways I’m going to miss them all when I’m a 17 hr plane ride away. Quiet overtook the house, and I didn’t want to be alone in it. Right now, that’s by biggest fear – being outside of ONEness, primarily with the people I love. Not having a place to belong where people know me.
That fears not stopping me, I decided a loooong time ago that it wasn’t an option to give in to it. Just cry for a few minutes – of course! In this season where emotions are running high – excitement, anticipation, fear, longing, hope – I’ve really got to give myself permission to feel the weight of each emotion. Sit with the fear, cry with it, talk about it, talk TO it. But all along, knowing, that if I allow it to have some space for a few minutes – it will only be a few minutes, and then it will pass. It’s those time when we try to suppress our fear, our hurt, our sadness that the sadness, fear, hurt KEEPS coming back. Give it permission to be in your heart – for a time – and then it too, shall pass. You’ll know more of yourself. You’ll know more of it healing qualities that exist inside of you.
So, my friends, some days I wake up and cry. Other days I bounce out of bed and meditate. Somedays are head stand days, others are lie-on-your-back-arms-open-don’t-move kinda days. The great things about today is I have too many awesome people to spend my time with to worry about packing, or stress about being lonely. I’m soaking it up & then coming back for more!