There is much going on in my life, but I just don’t have much to write about. Perhaps I just can’t figure out how to put things into words. Or maybe it’s that there’s too MANY choices to choose from to share about.
But really, I think it’s more related to this other happening. I have all these things that are really exciting to me, completely invigorating, and new each day. However, when I share them with other people, I rarely see the spark of a shared spirit in their eyes. Ever have that moment? When you realize that in the eyes of another human, you see yourself reflected? They finish your thought or sentence. You bring up THAT THING YOU’RE PASSIONATE about and find out this Other Person shares your enthusiasm, perhaps knows more about it than you do. Those are the moments of Connection, even Divine Connection. You are no longer alone, no longer are you separate or apart.
Maybe I’ve been missing these moments because I’m not looking. Am I selfish? Am I looking inside myself too much and not looking for the Connection with others? Is it because we’re moving a ton? For 9 months, we’ve been blessed to stay with the People We Love and be in new places. I’ve definitely been embracing this season, but I’m learning patience. Waiting for the times when I will have these Connections with Other People all . . . the . . . time.
And I’m not talking about heaven. Heaven sounds like a great idea, but I’m more interested in Kingdom Coming Here on Earth. I’m ready for redemption and life and grace and communion and Trinity here . . . and . . . now.
Perhaps this is a mourning.
an announcement of what’s lost.
Not about me. Not Nicole-centric, but rather something else.
We’re missing something. WE’RE MISSING SOMETHING!
We are made for connection and creation and Connection with Other People. We are meant to be in communion. To see bits of ourselves in humanity.
I’m not lonely. Pretty content in-fact. Rather aware that I’m waiting for times when I see my soul reflected in the eyes of others. LONGING for that time. Mourning it’s lack-of-presence.
Don’t worry. I haven’t given up. I’m not giving up. There will come a day. Those days are coming. The moments are present if I look for them. A genuine moment of laughter. Delight. Surprise shared with someone whose love of something overlaps in just the right place with mine. To be surrounded by people who ALWAYS LIVE DEEPLY. Teach me about drinking up the marrow of life. And I can be with them. Without moving. Or leaving. Or losing. So I promise, I haven’t given up. Nor will I.
In the inspiring words of my four-year-old cousin, “I haven’t given up, I’m just resting.”