Doula Update: the King’s Still on the Ball!

“You are Lord of creation and Lord of my life.
Lord of the land and the sea.
You were Lord of the heavens before there was time
And Lord of all lords you will be.
Hallelujah!
On my way home from Raleigh Fitkin Memorial hospital in Manzini, I sang this song. Along with “When the Saints Go Marching In…” (Seriously, that was a bit far-fetched) and “You are Holy.”
Why? Because it’s true. And this Lord rocked my world again tonight.
If you follow my blog, you may remember my previous attempts at working myself into the Labour Ward.
Re-cap: more than FIVE, reliable, trustworthy, nothing-to-gain-by-it folks told me “Stay away from the Labour Ward.” And “Don’t trouble yourself with it.” And “It’s best to wait for the nurses to initiate a doula program, it wouldn’t be good to try changing things unless the nurses want it.” “Those labour nurses are territorial.” A grim picture their recommendations painted for me.
But there’s this need I’ve heard of – better help in the Labour Ward. And there’s this heart that God’s been growing in me for the educationally impoverished folks (remember Newark?) and recently that swelling heart had the ache for uneducated women to know about, love, understand, and respect the power of their bodies in childbirth. And of course for those same women to know this redeeming, incredible, grace-filled YHWH who brings us into wild situations. Situations like closed labour wards…
Knowing I wouldn’t be allowed into the Labour Ward to help her deliver, I proposed my doula services to a woman working for a friend. She accepted. A whole ‘mother story later, I end up with her laboring outside the Infamous Ward at 2 AM. And being asked to leave by one of the Dreaded Nurses once they admitted Mom, but sneaking the Mom some food & her blanket, and some cookies to the Labour Ward Nurses.

Today, I got a phone call. From Futsi. A nurse at the Ward. She invited me to visit her at work. Tonight I went. And crossed the threshold, passed the nurses station and around a laboring soon-to-be-mom. A colleague joined her. They inquired all about what I know and recommend for doulas. You see, another Christian, friend, and doctor recommended the hospital implement doulas. In fact he was working on this before I ever trained to become a doula. But the program hadn’t sprouted yet; however the prospect of a program AND the need I’d heard of prompted me to embark on a doula training.
The two women/nurses?/shift managers? Spoke of UNICEF proposals, presenting a doula program to their management, giving my contact info to management, me training doulas (which I’m not qualified for, but I’m honored they’d consider me), and how else I may be involved.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
After we promised to be in touch, Futsi walked me out. I expressed to her my excitement to be invited and “I’m grateful for the opportunity to work with you.” I also added, “I heard you didn’t have a program, so I’m excited to learn you have one, or are starting one.”
Futsi turned to me and said, “You have a program.”
“We have a program.
Yes, Lord, it seems we may have a doula program after all. You know I’m crazy enough to try & excited enough to work night shifts in a foreign language. I know You’re present, because you’re omnipotent. But it’s so neat to see You here, and I’m grateful. Scared. Excited. Giddy. Thrilled. And resting in the knowing of your Goodness

And my souls wells up with Hallelujahs…

Life As I Know It

She’s been sneaking into my room in the morning, snuggling up under the covers, and gently waking me. She sticks around when I sip warm tea on this cooool morning, but leaves when I disgruntledly wash Sean’s breakfast dish because he left in a rush. For some reason, She’s not around when I complain or feel sorry for myself or give into selfish desires. Ha! But I’ve noticed her when I said, “No” to buying a chocolate bar. Is it really that simple to keep Joy around as my constant companion?
Mostly, I’m amazed at how she doesn’t often come alone. When I wake with her as the sun filters through the blue of our handmade curtains, I’m delighted to see She brought friends. Gratitude. And Peace isn’t long off either!
More of such moments I’ve experienced:
- chilly mornings and warm blankets
- coffee (decaf!) and laughter shared with this expecting mother between her mild contractions, hearing how mutually blessed we both feel to know each other. Feeling the Gift deep in my chest.
- sitting on the ‘stoop’, observing my friend’s husband who works so hard (a bit of a rarity in these parts). Talking about her children, how someone cheated her, how she hasn’t a garden because carting river water takes so long. How she’s hungry. Thankful I have eyes to see and ears to hear her. And a long-term investment in Hope.
- the silliness of the women waiting in the Waiting House to birth their kiddos. The simplicity of their questions. How personal they get when they ask me questions. Realizing one of their great joys is bearing children. The compassion they see when they realize I have no children.
- their silliness as they decide I have a dog as my child.
- being with these women. Asking questions. Answering questions. Leaning in to have them repeat once again, so I can learn these foreign words.
- creating a siSwati sentence in my head, saying it, then getting it right. Adding a fist-pump because it truly is a triumph.
- realizing I just fist-pumped in front of Swazis. Hah! More of Joy rushes in.
- the gift of this teacher, who gets what I’m about- or does a great job faking it!- and tirelessly helps me translate doula- sentence after doula sentence.
- Sean thanking me for making some delicious bread.
- a puppy who only wants to be loved, play, sleep, be curious, sit on my lap, and snack on food.
- laughter. At all things breaking.
- when my life companion doesn’t complain at yet-again spending long days, 4 in a row taking our car’s engine out, finding parts, getting them made, and putting it back together.
- the car working after he’s through with repairs. (Well, he’s not to this stage yet, but there is great gratitude in knowing he’ll get there and it will work!)
- realizing The Lord knew I’d need a patient bush-mechanic. Who’d teach me about genuine generosity and open-hands.
- turning off the phone I’m writing from. Knowing I’ll throw back my head and arms. Watch the Trio flood in again. And walk, with an open heart to the bus stop.

To all Expecting Parents…

You’re welcome to read if you’re NOT an expecting parent, but I’m compiling this specifically for pregnant women, their partners, or anyone thinking you might be pregnant ONE day.

Childbirth brings up plenty of emotions in folks, including myself. Nope, I’ve never had a child, but I’ve been listening. And studying. My recent delve into the ‘doula’ world has opened me up to oodles of research on the matters of childbirth. Be it natural, medicated, in a hospital, at home, with twins, or triplets, assisted by a doctor or midwife. Whatever you’ve experienced or selected from the Salad Bar of Having a Baby, I’d love to share some stories and research with you.

If you were training for a marathon, what would you do first? How would you prepare? At some point, you’d have to start running. You’d probably research a running schedule. You may get together with other runners or join a running club, so you’ve got a few folks to encourage you on those long miles. You’d buy some nice shoes. Find yourself talking about running a lot more, thinking about running, you may even imagine yourself crossing the finish line, or give yourself a mantra to chant when the miles get long and lonely. You probably WOULDN’T say, “I don’t need to train, or prepare for this marathon” (unless you’re a BEAST!!) or “I’ve got legs, so obviously God designed them to run.” Sure, He designed your legs for movement, even the impact-loading exercise of running. However, research backs Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance.

Marathon training is MUCH like preparing for childbirth (or so I hear). Expecting mothers train physically, they eat healthier foods (right?!), talk to people, read books, attend childbirth education classes, attend breast feeding classes, some buy pregnancy clothes, do lots of squats & walking to stay strong, and may even ‘train’ with a companion, such as a doula, or partner or coach.

Here’s a sampling of research & stories I’ve found RATHER compelling. But LADIES! FELLAS! Don’t just read my thoughts, research. Learn for yourselves. Seek answers. Above all – listen to your hearts and your bodies. If you’re uncomfortable with a caregiver, or birth setting, or anything – listen to yourselves. You’re developing the instincts of a parent that will protect you and that precious baby for years to come.

• Natural Labor and Childbirth Options – from Wellness Mama. My sister turned my onto her blog, which I love. The research she shares, I’ve double-checked in most cases & it’s concurrent and trustworthy, as best I can tell.
• Doulas – usually a woman ‘servant’ who helps women & families before, during, and shortly after childbirth. She provides emotional, physical and informational support. (Since I’ve trained to be a doula, of course I’m biased. But since I no longer live in the USA, all you Americans can rest easy that I’m NOT trying to promote my business to you. Therefore, what I share is lovingly shared to help YOU and not me.) Mothers who are assisted by doulas have the following statistics:
• – 50% less cesarean sections
• - 25% decrease in labor time
• - 40% less medical inductions
• - 60% less epidurals
• - Increased breast-feeding success (even at 6 months post-partum)
• - increased mother-baby bonding immediately post-partum
• - decreased post-partum depression and mood disorders.

Let me say: medicine HAS come a looooong way and interventions like epidurals, cesareans, and inductions CAN save lives and HAVE helped many mothers & babies. A doula is there to support your choice, and it’s also her role to encourage education. Therefore – educate yourselves! What are the risks of each medical intervention? Did you know you have choices? Your body is created to give birth to a child, women, so find ways you can support that process that’s best for you and your baby.

• Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth - an easy read. Great for women (and dads) who want to know and believe in a woman’s incredible body and it’s amazing ability to give birth – in all kinds of situations! The first half is stories. The second half is more ‘how to’ and research.
  
• Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn - it’s long, yet comprehensive. Not biased, yet VERY information-based. You can download several chapters free on iBooks if you’d like a sample.
• The Womanly Art of Breast feeding – The La Leche League puts out some incredible information. This book is easy to find answers quickly. You may find yourself thumbing through while you attempt to breast feed your newborn.
• The La Leche League International. A peer-support setting that welcomes women who want to breast feed their babies. They have some in South Africa, but the U.S.A. is riddled with them!

Well, I’ve only gotten started. I’d love to hear your story or help answer any questions that arise as you research. As I build my own set of beliefs and practices as a doula, I thank you for sharing with us all, as we need our collective stories. My heart is open and I encourage her to be non-judgmental, especially in childbirth matters. Email me @ boehrig2@gmail.com or comment below.

For all you Fearful

Upon my return to Swaziland, I had a panic attack. What have we done? What if our dreams bomb miserably? What if made a huge mistake in living here? What if we never get land, or a place to root into? I mean, I road that train – the fear train. The “let’s-be-realistic” train. I was terrified for a day or so. I was miserable and very afraid we had made a mistake. Somewhere in my determination to drag myself out, I remember Sean and i saying once before we moved that “it does seem crazy, but it’s our collective dream, if we don’t pursue and live it now, we will never be able to face ourselves or each other.” It was what we felt meant for. So why do I feel so discouraged?
This excerpt from a book I’ve been reading sums it up pretty well. His words also caused me to consider the fear-filled state many experience when … Well, let me not taint your interpretation, or bend your ear to hear what I heard. Let us challenge ourselves to identify the voices we listen to, and discern if we should tell them to “SHUT UP!” or “GO ON!”

“Though we think of ourselves as followers of Jesus, we are often seduced by the fearful questions the world presents to us. Without fully realizing it, we become anxious, nervous, worrying people caught in the questions of survival; the survival of our families, friends, and colleagues; the survival of our church, our country, and our world. Once these fearful survival questions become the guiding questions if our Ives, we tend to dismiss words spoken from the house of love as unrealistic, romantic, sentimental, pious, or just useless. When love is offered as an alternative to fear we say :”Yes, yes, that sounds beautiful, but …”
The “but” reveals how much we live in the grip of the world, a world that calls Christians naive and raises “realistic” questions: “Yes, but what if you grow old and there is nobody to help you? Yes, but what if you lose your job and you have no money to take care of yourself and your family? Yes, but what if refugees come to this country by the millions and disrupt the ways we have been living for so long? Yes, by what if the Cubans and Russians become powerful in Central America and start building their missiles in our own backyard?”
When we raise these “realistic” questions we echo a cynical spirit that says: “Words about peace, forgiveness, reconciliation and new life are wonderful but the real issues cannot be ignored. They require that we do not allow others to play games with us, that we are always ready to retaliate when we are offended, that we are always ready for war and never let anyone take away the good life we have so carefully built up for ourselves.” But as soon as these so-called real issues begin to dominate our lives, even though we keep borrowing words of love and continue to experience vague desires to live in the house of love.
Love is stronger than fear, though it may often seem that the opposite is true. “Perfect love casts out all fear” says St. John in his first letter. (1 John 4:18)
But is it possible in the midst of this fear-provoking world to live in the house of love and lists. There to the questions raised by The Lord of love? Or are we so accustomed to living in fear that we become deaf to the voice that says, “Do no be afraid.” This reassuring voice, which repeats over and over again, “Do not be afraid, have no fear,” is the same voice we need most to hear. This voice was heard by Zechariah when Gabriel, the angel of The Lord, appeared to him in the temple and told him that his wife Elizabeth would hear a son; thus voice was heard by Mary when the same angel entered her house in Nazareth and announced that she would conceive, bear a child, and name him Jesus; thus voice was also heard by the women who came to the tomb and saw the stone was rolled away. “Do no be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid.” The voice uttering these words sounds all through history as the voice if God’s messengers, be they angles or saints. It is the voice that announces a whole new way of being, a being in the house if love, the house of The Lord…. The house of love is the house of Christ, the place where we can think, speak, and act in a way of God – not in the way of a fear-filled world.

- Henri Nouwen from The Essential Henri Nouwen

Risk

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we love most cause us not only great joy, but also great pain. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies – the pain of leaving can tear us apart. Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life is stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking. – Henri J.M. Nouwen

Each time I’m at a ‘good-bye’, this thought comes to mind. I’ll admit I didn’t have Nouwen’s words in my head in highschool when I graduated and was devastated to leave my friends. But I consciously made an effort to open my heart up again. That even in the saying of “good-bye”, I’d allow myself to experience the depth and breadth of that goodbye space. Let’s be realistic – the more you love, the more it hurts when you leave right?

No. I disagree. The sadness that we feel at goodbye is rather a celebration of the life we experience in the “Hello”, the “How are you?’ and the “Let’s have an adventure!” The sadness we see at a ‘see-you-later’ hug only highlights the joy we’ve been at the bar-stool chat in your kitchen, the cup-hugging talk on the couch, or the walk across the field. My cup truly overflows, as so many hearts add richly to my life. I hope you realize fully the joy of loving. Of risking yourself. It’s an arms-open embrace. It’s a head-tilted back laugh. The urdhva hastasana with your arms wide and relaxed. There’s a deep sigh.True Life.  An infinite acceptance.

Risk relationships. Risk opening your heart. Renounce lies; speak the truth. Bring out your true self. Introduce her (him) to the people you’re blessed to share your life with. Live deep. Live unguarded, engaged, and fully present. Live intentionally.

Re- highlighting: Confessions

Those claiming Christ can’t do enough to claim a brokenness. Yes, we also claim Healing. But I believe, by first confessing our brokenness, we strip away our pride, which leads to the hypocrisy so many ‘in’ and ‘out’ of church or organized Christianity are weary from.
A previous blog inspired be. Not because of what I wrote, but how it opened the door for two comments. I’ll be honest and admit, I like when people comment. But I like comments better when they seem from the heart. Check out that
previous blog.

I have two confessions today.
One. I have NOT been breeding peace in my life.
I believe that as a follower if Christ, I am an agent of reconciliation. I am to be an agent of peace. There is much precedence about biblical followers of Christ being called to reconcile and heal and be peaceful.
Acts 10- when G-d calls Peter to reconcile himself to those of another race. And later in Galatians when Paul scolds Peter for later leaving those racially reconciling relationships.
Jesus spent time healing the physically sick. Reconciling them to health. He saw holes in society where tax collectors, the crippled, the poor weren’t welcome at dinner tables. So he ate dinners with those very folks. Not to mention prophets spoke of his coming as when the “lion would lay down with the lamb.” I fear losing the audience at this point, so I’ll continue, but I’d encourage folks to search our the why and how followers of the Way can be peace-bringers.
Sooo as a follower, I’m a peace- bringer. And I have failed at that too much lately. If I can speak so boldly about needing to bring peace, yet I lose my temper with family, or yell at a fellow driver in the road, or bite my tongue, while in my heart, I curse someone. Whew! I am sorry. That is not peace. Or reconciliation. Or grace. Or non- violence.
I recognize this now. Will seek to more purposeful guard my heart ( for it IS the wellspring of life!) and mind.

Two. I have REALLY felt self-righteous in my judgement of wealthy people. It’s quite complicated for me. But my bias leans in favor of the poor over the rich. Also, the openly broken over the openly ‘together.’ I’m actively seeking to reconcile my judging heart to the cross of Grace and Truth. I’m weirdly pursuing a real relationship with some very wealthy Christians (anyone want to volunteer?) because by befriending someone that’s different than me, and befriending someone I struggle to judge and easily attach harmful labels to, perhaps I’ll see better. I’ll have real people to think of when I start to attach labels. And of course, when you walk close to humanity, you always get glimpses of the Creator, which helps me cherish the Created more.

I challenge you in this. Let us seek to be real and honest more often. Let us cultivate loving spaces where we invite people onto our porch and into that extra chair we have sitting next to us. There may we reconcile ourselves to other races, social classes, genders, sexual orientations, ages, and any other label we put on people to keep the ‘different’ out. There, may we confess that we judge each other, but seek to heal ourselves… Together.

Very Original Title of: January Updates

I promised we would get busy in January. The busy-ness started before we counted on it. However, gratitude for opportunities overwhelms us. We hope you’re feeling much of the same wherever you are reading this. Updates and a few stories to follow in this blog. . .
In recent news. ..
- Sean started working for Mauritius, a friend & incredible boss, last week. After some high winds (some people noted a funnel cloud), the roof to the area’s new grocery store partially blew off. Sean got the job of leading a crew to repair it. His responsibilities center around carpentry, roofing, leadership, and delegation.
This week, he constructed a set of stairs – his first set ever. He constantly is awed when something he builds or fixes actually works. I, like many others who know him, am/are not surprised. God has given that man some serious gifts and mentorship from family members. Wow!
He said every Swazi male within a kilometer came to examine his work. The first day, they all stood at a distance, kind of shaking their heads and talking to each other. The second day, one man approached and said, “Are you a carpenter?” To simplify things, Sean said, “Yes.” And the man immediately beamed, “Oh yes. Yes. I can see that you are. You are doing a good job.” It seems the men here do a lot of posturing to each other. Even the guy raking leaves, puts his rake down to come and examine Sean’s work. Also, we figure they’re surprised to see a white man work like that. Usually they are the bosses or foreman, who don’t do much in the swinging-of-a-hammer department.
Sean’s been frustrated that the guys he works with just seem to stare blankly at him when he speaks siSwati. Perhaps they are not as forgiving and helpful as the women I’ve encountered. Still, he forges on courageously!

- Nicole signed up for a 16-hour Labor Doula training course. Thank you to the friends, doulas, and strangers who reached out to me when I was seeking advice and stories. I’ve decided to pursue training while in the States for 6 weeks, as the closest, offical training in Swaziland seems 5-6 hours away. This weekend workshop in Memphis will start me on the road to certification, which I can hopefully finalize in Swaziland. Swazi buerocracy rather prefers fancy pieces of paper and offical stamps; therefore, the certification. I’m told being a doula isn’t all about the certification.
- So far, I’ve talked to 2-3 other women who may also be interested in getting trained and volunteering at Manzini’s hospital. AND I found an awesome-on-paper doula from Nelspruit (3hr drive), who cannot officially certify us, but has offered to teach us everything she knows. She’s even willing to create a training program, spread it out over several weekends, and invited us to attend all the births at her ‘birthing room’. This could prove invaluable, as I’m aware of the emotional demands assisting in labors will be in a developing country, and mentorship is invaluable!
- Also, I am working with an English brother who doctors in the same hospital I want to eventually volunteer in. I’m doing the research side of ‘benefits’ of doula-ing, and he’ll do the convincing side of the hospital allowing this volunteer work in. I’m excited about prospects of future in-roads to relationships with the women & families I could assist.
- May minds and hearts be open to these ideas and may they be all Divinely-inspired and executed.

It’s young girls like Ncambile who captures my heart. She can’t be more than 15 years old. She and her younger sister sell bananas, apples, and sometimes peaches outside the gas station and new grocery store. Sean & I were worried that the new store opening would hurt their business, so we buy our fruit from them several times a week. I make an effort to buy groceries enough for 2 days, so that gets me walking to the store every few days. I greet Ncambile and Philinkhosi, her younger sister. Usually I ask a few questions. They teach me a new word. And then I’m on my way. Hopefully the constant visits by me, starts to break down those barriers of fear or distance often experienced between strangers.
Ncambile recently delivered a healthy, baby boy. Still of school age, she said that she’s going to school on 22 January with all the other children. Her sister says the same. I hope so. But last year, on school days, they sat under their tree, selling fruit instead of studying their books. They, like most children, have bright eyes, bright smiles, and respect for their elders.
Today, when I looked for them to buy bananas, they weren’t in their usual spot. Disappointed, I headed home without our chat (and my bananas!) To my surprise, Philinkhosi chased me down and said, “My mother told me to tell you, we are across the street now!” Sure enough, they’d moved to a small building across the street, from which they sell now.
All the hopes I have for them – HIV negative, adequate food, decent education, safety, love – mean nothing unless I’m willing to do something to help ensure these realities. For now, I’ll keep buying the bananas and asking one more question every time I see them. Perhaps the bridges will be built, so Ncambile’s son can sell fruit AND go to school.
(Told you there was a lot in this one!)
I, Nicole, leave Swaziland in two weeks. Yesterday, Sean and I (yes, he could just take a day off like that!) ran errands, left our car at the mechanic’s shop, and even enjoyed a small lunch out. Knowing I’ll be gone for 6 weeks, we’re working to be intentional with our time together.
Though I’m overjoyed to see my family and good friends and be a help to Gail & Jon (at least I hope it’s helpful!), I’m a bit nervous about being gone for so long. When we bought the tickets, we really felt like this would be a good thing. I still believe that; I’m just nervous about being disciplined in keeping up my siSwati studies. I’m also nervous about over-committing myself by trying to see every person I’ve ever known, let-alone my good friends and ended up exhausted. Guilt is my number one emotion of choice (I know, it’s a BAD choice, but I so often pick that one up). So this trip will be an active exercise in choosing peace and grace over guilt for myself. I’ll let you know how it goes!
While Sean’s gone in Jo-burg next week, I’ll start back with siSwati lessons. Our tutor took 3 loooooong weeks off, and we’ve missed the structure she brings. I hope to pass this test she’s giving us!
Thank you for listening, reading, prayers, and notes of encouragement. I love sharing this journey with those who’ve hopped on board. Grace & Peace to you!